Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Worst Jokes Ever
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
What can you catch, but not throw?
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
What do people use more than you that is yours?
If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
What goes up but never comes down?
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?
A parent's signature was required.
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
What's your mom on?
Deez nuts!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
What do you call angry midgets?
Short-tempered.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
