Worst Jokes Ever

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*

How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

What do you call a guy with no body and nose?

No body nose

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"