Worst Jokes Ever
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.