Worst Jokes Ever
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.