Worst Jokes Ever

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poker Face.

Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

Mooning is very astrological!

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

- A VEGUN.

Who betrayed Cheesus Christ?

Goudas.

What is a definition of tight?

A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."