Worst Jokes Ever

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

What's white and can't climb a tree?

A refrigerator.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"

The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."

What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?

*Answer: Quatro Cinco*

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”

How do you turn a baby into a dog?

Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.

What does a spy do when he's cold?

He goes under cover.

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."