Worst Jokes Ever
What's green and furry?
Fiona from Shrek.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Mr. Bunler.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
- They see me rolling.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
Jake Adkins watches James Charles.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.