Worst Jokes Ever
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
You're so cool that celebrities take pictures of you.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?
How does white people's backyard look like? Cotton field!
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!
What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."