Worst Jokes Ever

There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Why did Trump decide to build the wall?

Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

How do you make Holy Water?

Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.

Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"

I said, "On a stove!"

Fucking Windows updates!

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?

Both of their legs don't work.

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

Did you hear the pickle joke?

It's actually a really big dill.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It picks cotton.

Are you beef?

Because you're Carlos-Asada.

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?

They were always using pyramid schemes!

What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?

Vat-I-cans!

Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!