Worst Jokes Ever

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.

Why did the Duck go to rehab?

Because he was a Quackhead.

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.

Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.

Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!

Yo mama is so ugly, she turned a knife into a statue.

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

Q: What's black, white, and Asian?

A: A panda!

What do you call a dog magician?

Labracadabrador!

— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

— No.

— That's the spirit!

What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.

God creating bees.

God: "Put a needle on their butt."

Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"

God: "Make its puke delicious."

Angel: "WTF"

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)