Worst Jokes Ever

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

Me, myself, and I.

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"But we're not there yet."

A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.

What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...

You get to meet Chris Hansen!

Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

What’s twelve inches and white?

Nothing.

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

Never eat more than you can lift.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

What did the banana say to the peel?

“Let’s split!”

I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄