Worst Jokes Ever
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Duck my sick.
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?
When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
priyanka