Worst Jokes Ever
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
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Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.