Worst Jokes Ever
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. đ
Why is Jack so gay?
Because he is.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
Whatâs the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause thereâs a victim less!
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Why was the obtuse angle hot?
It was more than 90 degrees.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Pete: Knock, knock...
Paul: Who's there?
Pete: Boo...
Paul: Boo who?
Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!
Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!
Oof.
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "Youâve got to be choking me!"
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."