Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

So today an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... Hhah.

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

How many times does 42 go into 9?

Get in the van to find out.

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

My dick said that your ass is having a boner.

Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.

You really gay. No questions added.

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?