Worst Jokes Ever
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to 10 trees.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
If you read this, your life is a joke.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.