Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

  • 6

    • A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

    So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

    The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

    The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

  • 4

    • What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?

    Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

    Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.