What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Borthwick's hairline.
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
How are you?
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
His wife shut off the internet.
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Where did Lucy go in the bombing... Everywhere.
