Worst Jokes Ever
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: A broken pencil.
Friend: A broken pencil who?
Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
One man walked into a bar. A second man walked into a bar, but the third guy ducked.
Why can’t you run in a campground?
Because it’s past tents.
So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.
I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.
Babe, it's over.
After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.
I meant the movie...
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
Life.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."