What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Don't touch my bot.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Why is 6 afraid of 7? cause 7 8 9!
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
Did you hear about the Mormons?
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
my dad left me
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
