Worst Jokes Ever

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

"Transgenders men in disguise".... A xxx Transformers parody coming soon to DVD.

Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"

I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎

Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?

A: He was scared the juice might come out.

What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?

“Is It In?”

My teacher is a rapist.

I will mummyfry you!

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks?

"Mine is meatier than yours."

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!

We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.

Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!

Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂