Worst Jokes Ever

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.

If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

European.

What are you on your way to the bathroom?

Russian.

I love myself.

Hi, how are you doing today?

Baseball ⚾️ is fun.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today, did I have...

Hi huuuuuy.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.

Who?

I love playing games with my family.

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"

Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.

I told my wife she was lousy in bed.

She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"

Chi

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.