Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?

You pick it up off the street.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

Why does new pavement smell like butt?

In other words you can also call it asphalt.

Ass-phalt.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

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