How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
Worst Jokes Ever
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?
A penguin in a blender.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
