Worst Jokes Ever

This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.

You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?

A: Udderly destroyed.

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu!

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.

Too bad he left him hanging.

Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.

Patient: What's the bad news?

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What's the really bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.

I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!

Maybe Soy Milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish! (Soy means "I am" in Spanish).

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!

What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!

What is the state of Texas for? Guns!

What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)

What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!

What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?

What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!

What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)

There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?

Coronavirus and toilet paper.