Worst Jokes Ever
Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?
Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!
Why can't you make fun of a bunny's head?
Because they have a hare-line.
How do u make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles! Hahaha.
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
How do you throw a space party?
You plan-et! Hahahaha, get it?
What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?
Chew-chew train! Hee hee!
What has a tail, a head, but no body?
A coin.
"Hey Gwen, I'm back."
-Dev
"It's been so long they unblocked it!"
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my sun (son)."
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
"Alex, hi, you here!?"
After every line, say “I’m a man.”
I went to the club. (I’m a man)
I met a girl. (I’m a man)
I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)
We got some drinks. (I’m a man)
I took her home. (I’m a man)
We got in bed. (I’m a man)
She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)