Worst Jokes Ever
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
I was about to go to sleep, but then I remembered my idol has 0 G/A, and it's mid-November. Thanks, Pessi, for ruining my sleep! 🤬
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
Hi, I am Michael Jackson, pronouns are HEE/HEE!
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
You can hit an orphan, because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
What's white and sticky?
Toothpaste.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
What do you call Aston?
Asston.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.