Worst Jokes Ever
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?
A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Why can't an orphan have an iPhone?
It has a home button.
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.