New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
A kindergarten class is learning about the alphabet. The teacher asked, "What comes after M?"
Little Timmy reached into his backpack and yelled, "16!"
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?
Friend: Don’t know?
Me: U STUPID!
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?
Wash off the birch sap from the face.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
Why do orphans only have 362 days of the year?
... bc they don’t have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Thanksgiving.
why did the chicken cross the road. to go to Chick-fil-A
