Worst Jokes Ever

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.

Can I get a Hoyah?

I like dicks... sporting goods.

What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.

What do you call an emo a cappella group?

Self harmony.

Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."

Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.

Real emo: same.

Fake emo: another piece of cake.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

Why are bees' hair always sticky?

Because they use a honeycomb...

Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"

"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."

Facial detection? More like racial detection.

Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.