I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
Worst Jokes Ever
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
Why did the rapper sit on the stool?
Because he had too much FLOW to stand still!
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of fishing?
Catching BIG BASS.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
A speech impediment.
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
What’s the difference between Mexicans and stoners?
Stoners have papers.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What is the difference between Black people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
