Worst Jokes Ever

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"

The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

The man said, "Your parents."

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost the towers.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

Your forehead is so big, you got an eight-head.

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

Did you hear Biden went to the ER?

He's having a little trouble with his Putin.

What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?

They wait to be filled with a big load.

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?

They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!

Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market, they think it's watermelon.

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Uranus craps diamonds and is a cow 🐮.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Why do people want their grass to be emo?

So the grass will cut itself.

Suiiiii!