Worst Jokes Ever

A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump