One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They already lost two towers.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.
I have nut cancer...
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Satan and the devil are alter egos.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
