A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
bill never do that again
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
