Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
Never drink tea in school... L give people tea if they've passed out....tea can be nice but only havd it once a day... Its not what you think..... Its not tea its CPR
bill never do that again
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
A man walks into a bar, and says "Ouch!" And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.
