I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Guess Stephen Hawking never had use for sweatcoin😂
The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.
Looks like he never charged up fully.
