Never jokes
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Never got a mother's love, lol.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
Why are grapes never alone?
Because they hang out in a bunch!
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A castle weighs a ton. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The Queen of England's won! I never thought she'd get it done, but her sister is a nun.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
Why was the people's wedding so miserable...
'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.