Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.
Never Jokes
Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Why are orphans never in jail?
Because they're never wanted.
Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."
Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.
What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Why do orphans hate dad jokes? They never return.
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
Technoblade never got a wife.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
