Never Jokes

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

Why do orphans love violent video games like GTA?

They never had parents to protect them from it.

Why do orphans become bullies?

Because their mum and dad were never there for them.

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.

All they will talk about is how great their family is.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

Why can’t orphans play catch?

They never had a dad to teach them.

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?

'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...

If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.