What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What is always moving but we never see it walk?
Time! Hahahaha!
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Why did the girl never go upstairs?
Because she had no legs.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
