Need Jokes

Linda

People always ask what the secret of our families happiness is. It is simple really. 1 Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week. 2. We all give each other a hand when needed. Last but not least we play twister.

Linda

My family is lucky I was born so smart, every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

chloe

“I need to go to the doctors!” “Why?” “it has a crack in it”

Jokester69

Aaaah I really wish Stephen hawking was an organ donor…

I really need some new part to my gokart

Anonymous
in Orphan

you was born so fat they needed a 2 cranes to carry you

Anonymous

THE REASON WHY WOMEN HAVE SUFFERED LONGER THEN MEN IS BECAUSE MEN ARE USING WOMEN AND ABUSING THEM AS TOOLS AND PROPERTY WHICH THEY AREN’T DURING WWll WOMEN WERE USED EVERYDAY BY EVIL MEN FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR WIVES AND MUSILM WOMEN ARE BEING RAPED, WOMEN CHILDREN ARW BEING RAPED EVERYDAY WHILE YOU FUCKING TURDS OF HUMAN SHIT ARE MAKING JOKES OF ISSUES THAT NEED TO STOP SO STO WITH THE HOMOPHOBIA, ISLAMPHOBIA, BIPHOBIA AND ALL THE OTHER PHOBIAS MAKE SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ASSAULT AND RAPE VICTIMS VOICES HEARD WE WILL NOT STAY SILENT BECAUSE OF THIS SHITTY APP! ALSO GOD CREATED WOMEN EQUALY AS MEN DO NOT MISTREAT YOUE SISTERS, MOTHERS, AUNGS, MOTHER IN LAWS HOPE ALL YOU RAPISTS SEXUAL ABUSERS, SEXUAL ASSAULTERS ROT IN HELL WHERE YOU DESERVE TO BE NOT IN THIS COUNTRY OR ANY OTHER PLACE HELL IS WHERE YOU BELONG 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿

Anonymous
in Forehead

bro my forehead is so big whenever i need to find something on it i need the exact coordinates

Anonymous

You’re so fat that when you got on the scales they said “I need your weight not your phone number”

Nix0nnnn
in Little Johnny

Little Johnnys neighbour just had a baby he got invited to dinner with his neighbour little Johnnys dad said if. he mentioned ears he will get a spank so Johnny looked in the basonet they were talking about the new baby Johnnys mum said what beautiful eyes that is great said little Johnny. because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses

Wacky
in Depression

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Dont take drugs kids! Me: my therapist says i need those to live D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: escourts to school counselor

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

poor guy really need some space.

Ello

Hi!!! So it has been a very long time, and I have seen that your jokes have been becoming more and more innapropriate. Guys, you don’t need to be innapropriate to be cool! You are awesome if you like school, and even if you are gay, or anything in the lgbtq+ category. #PRIDE Anyway, I myself am not lgbtq+, but I don’t think people who are should get shamed for it. I love you guys, and stay positive!!!

Anonymous
in War

women need to be in the kitchen

Anonymous
in Roast

Where are you? I need to throw you out because mum said to take out the trash

netflix
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.- Someone very special that needs there joke to be seen

in Orphan

guys we need to stop telling orphan jokes, there gonna tell their parents. oh wait nevermind continue

Anonymous
in Face

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don’t need to suffer

Raymond “Ray” Sisman
in German

Why does Hitler need glasses?

Because he could Nazi

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi. I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “ a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills. DAMN PESSI