Need jokes
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"