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Need jokes

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

Why are cheetahs the best animals?

The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.

A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.

Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.

Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.

One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.

Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.

While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.

A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.

Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.

With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.

Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

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    • I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

    My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

    Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.

    So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."

    Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."

    And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."

    I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜

    Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

    Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

    Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

    Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

    Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

    Sanity to live: I don't know?

    Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

    Sanity to live? *dies*

    Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

    Sanity to live: *resurrected*

    Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

    (sponsored by jumping bridges)

    Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

    Guy: Robin

    Bank owner: Your last name?

    Guy: Debank

    Bank owner: Robin Debank?

    Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

    Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

    A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

    HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.