I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
My will to live.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.