My Jokes

Plum

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

Difference

Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

  • 4
  • Eye

    Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

    Mom: OMG, why son?

    Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

    Think about it, then spread LMAO.

    Man

    My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

    Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

    Button

    I gave my friends some buttons.

    Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.

    Dead Baby

    How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

  • 1
  • Dog

    My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

    I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

    Work

    Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

    Fart

    So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

  • 3
  • Life

    BOB: Wanna know a joke?

    LILLY: What? Your hat?

    BOB: No, my life :'(

    Girlfriend

    My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

    Sole

    Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

    It took my sole.

    Trump

    Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."