My jokes

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

My penis is tied in a knot.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!

I still remember my granddad's last words,

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.