Morbid comparison jokes
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.