Mother jokes

A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.

"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."

Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"

What's a energy drink orphans never tried? "Mother".

Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.

You're so ugly, your mother thought about setting you up for adoption.

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.

Orphanage kid: You’re ugly!

Kid with mother: Your mom!

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

Yo momma so dumb, she thought this joke was funny.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!

Why do cat orphans watch sci-fi movies?

Because they won't understand what the mother ship is.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?

"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"