Morbid jokes
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.