Morbid jokes
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.