Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Orphan

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

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  • Forgetfulness

    Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

    Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

    Patient: "What condition?"

    Baby

    How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.

    How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

    Dad

    My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

    Baby

    What gets louder as it gets smaller?

    A baby in a trash compactor.

    Cancer

    I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

    Kennedy

    I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

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  • Invention

    What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

    Necrophilia

    One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

    Reader

    You got a dig bick.

    You read that wrong.

    You read that wrong too.

    Maybe you read that wrong as well.

    You just went and back-checked.

    You reread all of that.

    You have a pet wussy.

    You read that wrong...

    You need mental help.

    Dove

    What's white and bloody?

    Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.

    Robbery

    So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

    Bathroom

    So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

    Man

    I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

    What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

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  • Wife

    How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

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