Morbid Jokes

I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

Why can't Chinese people play baseball?

Because they eat the bat.

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me "pick a star sign any star sign" "I said Capricorn" He said "Nahh you got cancer"

What do you say to a women with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

how do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? a blender. how do you get them out? tortilla chips.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits? : A blender.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? -- Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

When Steven Hawking’s realizes heaven is only a stairway away

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says who the fucks be fucking my wife the room goes silent, the guy in the back finishes his beer and says you ain't got enough bullets.