Morbid jokes
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
Like if you blow male cows?
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
My life.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"