Morbid jokes
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.