Morbid jokes
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
Like if you blow male cows?
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
My life.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
How ISS greets their friend.
"You the BOMB!"
Me, my brother, and my dad.
pornhub.com
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.