Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Drone

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.

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  • Fire

    Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

    A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

    Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

    Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

    Pilot

    To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

    Mamma

    Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

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  • Car crash

    A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

    The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

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  • Birthday

    Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.

    Condom

    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

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  • Comedian

    A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

    The room was full of arm amputees.

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  • Frog

    What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

    A frog in a blender.

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  • Hitler

    What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

    How much did the haulla-cost?

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  • Baby

    What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?

    One baby in three trashcans.

    Cancer

    Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

    A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

    Evidence

    If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

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  • Day

    If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.