What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six-offender.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
