Morbid jokes

I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.

A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?

“A sped runner.”

I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Break his pipes...

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.