Morbid jokes

What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?

They both make vegetables.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.

If you're a girl, please comment.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.

The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it off...

Bored.

What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?

Halloween. Free delivery!

I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.